Saturday, September 18, 2010

When women say



1. “We need”  = I want

2. “This Kitchen is so ____” = I want a new house

3. “I want new curtains” = and carpet, and furniture, and …

4. “I need a new pair of shoes” = the other 40 are all the wrong color

5. “I only need a soap dish” = We’ll check out ALL the sale items

6. “Those are a bargain” = Did you bring your checkbook?

7. “Does this dress look OK?” = I need a new wardrobe

8. “Look at this coat!” = Is VISA maxed out?

9. “You’re so attentive tonight” = Is sex all you ever think about?

10. “It’s just… I’m soooo tired” = Get away from me, you sex maniac

Don’t miss: Fail Nation: A Visual Romp Through the World of Epic Fails

11. “It’s been such a hectic day” = Get away from me, you sex maniac

12. “Hon! I just did my hair” = Get away from me, you sex maniac

13. “Are the kids asleep?” = Get away from me, you sex maniac

14. “Won’t you be late for work?” = Get away from me, you sex maniac

15. “Turn out the lights first” = My thighs looked flabby today

16. “Of course I like making love” = Is this gonna take much longer?

17. “You’re … so manly” = You need a shave and a shower

18. “You have such a manly scent” = For God’s sake. Use some deodorant

19. “My, don’t you look comfortable” = Go put on a shirt, slob

20. “So nice to see you relaxing” = Don’t sit around in your underwear

21. “I’m not upset!” = Of course I’m upset, you moron

22. “I’m not emotional!” = You’d be too, if you married an idiot

23. “I’m not mad at all” = I can’t believe you’re that stupid

24. “Yes, I’m still talking to you” = I can’t believe you’re that stupid

25. “I’m not being quiet” = I can’t believe you’re that stupid

26. “No” = No.  Never

27. “I’m sorry” = You’ll be sorry

28. “Do you forgive me?” = You’ll be sorry

29. “Well, I was upset” = You’ll be sorry

30. “Well, I was tired” = You’ll be sorry

31. “Well, I had a headache” = You’ll be sorry

32. “Do what you want” = You’ll pay for this later, big time

33. “Do what you think best” = You’ll pay for this later, big time

34. “You know more about it” = You’ll pay for this later, big time

35. “As I recall, it was your idea” = You’ll pay for this later, big time

36. “Yes, I’ve calmed down” = You’ll pay for this later, big time

37. “I realize it was my fault sweetheart” = You ain’t seen nothing yet!

38. “It’s your decision” = The correct decision is obvious

39. “Sure… go ahead” = Don’t you dare, you clown

40. You like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix

41. “Do you want to eat out?” = I forgot to go grocery shopping

42. “What do you want for dinner?” = I don’t feel like cooking

43. “You seen that new restaurant?” = I don’t feel like cooking

44. “It’s your Mother’s recipe” = You’d better damn sight eat that

45. “You liked that the last time” = You’d better damn sight eat that

46. “Don’t want to talk yet” = Go away, I’m building up steam

47. “Just need some time to think” = Go away, I’m building up steam

48. “We need to talk” = I need to complain

49. “Learn to communicate” = Just agree with me

50. “I am not yelling!” = This is important, you idiot!

51. “Are you listening to me???” = [Too late, you're dead]

52. “Our anniversary’s coming up” = When I think of the guys I could have married

53. “The kids were so bad today” = Your gene pool needs more chlorine

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